Why? You may ask.
What - you have 2-and-a-half year old twin boys (who you love dearly) and they run you ragged sometimes?
Yes. Yes, I do.
And in addition to all the really fun adventures we had this week: our 1st trip to the movie theater, going to Gramma and Papa's, getting my allergy shot (or what the boys think is 'waiting room free for all'), going to playgroup, haircuts, etc., we also had our share of tantrums, fighting, screaming, and waking up multiple times in the night for what I can only guess is teething/molar pain or nightmares.
Add it all up and you get one exhausted Momma and Daddy.
And just to mention it, my stress level has been really high and that hasn't helped either. This week, I saw a job listing that I really want to try for, its just too perfect. We have been looking for a financial solution for a while and me going back to some kind of work is it. Which means day care, commuting, etc.
And if I can get deep for a moment...
It scares the bejeezus out of me to leave the boys all day in someone else's (not our family's) care. I have serious trust issues especially when it comes to my kids. I am very overprotective and have allowed myself to feel pretty righteously overprotective given that I have lost 3 of my babies. Having your child die takes away a lot of your faith in that "things are going to turn out alright".
Are you sensing the high levels of anxiety?
I know there are good places out there and good people and I am trying to find all the positives that could be in the situation. Because it is really what we need to do and I gotta get all on board with that.
I feel so lucky to have been able to be a stay at home Momma for as long as I have. It has been all I ever wanted to do and I wish that I could do it until they are in school, but we just can't do it. Its a weird feeling that i don't really want to go back to work, but I really want this job if i do have to go back. So, basically i am driving myself insane (more than i already am!) fretting about a job that I only just applied for and planning out what might happen if I did get the job. blechhhh
Okay, done with that rant. Thanks to you all who listened.
Tomorrow morning swim class starts again so I better get to bed and get some good rest for that. Have I mentioned how much the boys love swim class? They are so cute doing all the moves and it is so much fun for Tom and I to watch them be so excited and happy.
Good times, good times.
5 comments:
Oh Lisa! You have every right to be a ball of nerves! I am and I haven't lost a child, so i can not even imagine....
I hope and pray that things work out for you and will pray that you find some comfort in whatever decision you make.
(((HUGS)))
*big hugs* I can understand - I was nervous too when I went back to work - but it wasn't compounded by your other experiences, which I can only imagine makes this issue harder! To go thru so much to get your beautiful boys...knowing that you can't be with them all the time. I understand that much!
My advice is just what you probably already know - do your research and trust your instincts. I spent a LOT of time researching day cares...multiple visits, talked to other parents, asked for recommendations, checked their status with the state, etc...Several places I knew were not ok after walking in the door. We've been so blessed with the place we chose - the kids love it there and the staff, I can tell, truly loves them. It sure puts your heart at ease when you see that and know you made the right decision.
Sure, I still fight with myself all the time about whether I should just stay at home, but i know financially its a good choice and that I'm doing good things for others by working my job. I know the line of work you were in too, so I imagine you'd make a world of difference for other children and their families, too.
Hang in there and good luck with your decision. I'm anxious to hear what this perfect job is, too. Despite the other worries, you sound excited about that!
** Thanks also for your words of support for Cupcake and I. :-)
Lisa,
Good luck with the job. Daycare is hard, but it became much easier for us when we realized just how much Lincoln loved it. Lots of friends to play with, different toys, different activities, etc. My own experience (and that's all I have) is that the people were great.
Lincoln started the next session of his swim class yesterday and he loves it too.
I hope you are all doing well, and you find a solution that gives you peace of mind and heart.
Good luck with the job! And you will see, the boys will be fine. At their age it might be agood idea to make friends outside of the twin relationship as well.
It's a hard decision, When Braeden was 3, I saw a listing for the perfect part time job and things were getting a bit tight financially and I remember fretting about the decision when I didn't even know if I would get it.
I finally had to tell myself, whatever was meant to happen, will happen. I did get the job and Braeden was already in a preschool that had a daycare, so it was an easier transition. But it was only a 1 yr stint because I got pg with the twins.
But even when I did keep him there, I just told myself I was lucky because I had 3 yrs at home with him, many kids don't even get that.
Good Luck with the job and decision.
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